Wow. The move has stripped away any time or energy or gumption I had for 'creative works'. I have been so drained working up until this weekend when we actually move, I'm just plain exhausted.
I feel naked. On the verge of a new, great life, stripped down to nothing. New beginnings. New opportunities, ready to embrace my wonderful life in a new space.
Until then, I remain either packing, entertaining Jenna or collapsed in a pile of goo at the end of the day.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
New beginnings... and other randoms
So in the last week, we've decided to take a leap. To move. To move out of the rental house that we're currently in and really dislike for a number of reasons and move into another rental. We considered buying, but decided that buying to get out of our current house wasn't a good enough reason to make the very big leaps that would have been required to purchase. So we're renting a place that will make us happy for the next year or two.
One thing that has been on my mind is judgments. Watching someone judge a friend the second they walk into a room only moments after *I* was visually looked up and down, being judged moments before. It's difficult. Likely not intentional by the 'judger' but it's hurtful.
In the 'four agreements' one of the agreements is to not take anything personal. This has been difficult. It's been a struggle. My entire life I've taken EVERYTHING personal. Everything. So to watch myself, know that it's unnecessary and not helpful to take anything personal even when I've been looked up and down with a touch of a sneer is HARD.
I know things are on the up and up. I know that I need to include things that make me happy on a daily basis. I know it's easy to do. I just need to *do* it. The fact that Jenna doesn't allow me to photograph her anymore has made that challenging. Sooo, I've offered to shoot some shots of my friends. This makes me happy beyond words. Just me, the camera, friends, good conversation, beautiful colors. Happy. Fun. Exciting. Loving. I'm not a pro, I have absolutely no intentions of going pro. Ever. But shooting images, stopping life, makes me so incredibly happy. (the fact that I have a serious aversion to post production feeds this, along with my free time I want to be FREE, not dedicated to others). I can't wait, wait, wait for my little niece or nephew to come into this world so I can shoot the peely skin, the proud parents, and the first time Uncle.
New home. Great, supportive friends. A happy, healthy family. What more can a girl ask for?
One thing that has been on my mind is judgments. Watching someone judge a friend the second they walk into a room only moments after *I* was visually looked up and down, being judged moments before. It's difficult. Likely not intentional by the 'judger' but it's hurtful.
In the 'four agreements' one of the agreements is to not take anything personal. This has been difficult. It's been a struggle. My entire life I've taken EVERYTHING personal. Everything. So to watch myself, know that it's unnecessary and not helpful to take anything personal even when I've been looked up and down with a touch of a sneer is HARD.
I know things are on the up and up. I know that I need to include things that make me happy on a daily basis. I know it's easy to do. I just need to *do* it. The fact that Jenna doesn't allow me to photograph her anymore has made that challenging. Sooo, I've offered to shoot some shots of my friends. This makes me happy beyond words. Just me, the camera, friends, good conversation, beautiful colors. Happy. Fun. Exciting. Loving. I'm not a pro, I have absolutely no intentions of going pro. Ever. But shooting images, stopping life, makes me so incredibly happy. (the fact that I have a serious aversion to post production feeds this, along with my free time I want to be FREE, not dedicated to others). I can't wait, wait, wait for my little niece or nephew to come into this world so I can shoot the peely skin, the proud parents, and the first time Uncle.
New home. Great, supportive friends. A happy, healthy family. What more can a girl ask for?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Update
Here's my little check in on my 'happy list'.
I created this list to include things that make me personally happy... Not something that other people can do for me, but items or tasks that I am in complete control of doing in order to bring me happiness... then I kept the list in mind over the weekend.
I put the items in bold that I did this weekend...
Flowers -bought flowers at the farmers market this weekend, and cut some from the rose bushes outside
reading finished the happiness book, started and finished Outliers, almost done with The Four Agreements
knitting
photography - uploaded photos from the holidays... picked up my camera and played with a few settings while shooting photos of Jenna
friends -NYE with friends!
family -lots of family outings... to the steam trains, went shopping a bit, lunch out, walks)
a clean house - worked to re-establish routines that I started with 'fly lady' way back when
a clean car
a full gas tank - :) started the weekend with a full tank
passion - plenty with reading and enjoying life
enthusiasm - yup!
optimism - yup!
a manicure or pedicure - I cleaned the red polish off my nails... I have yet to get one...
an open heart :)
Nick's hugs - plenty!
date night - we did this a couple weeks ago
family outings - see above answer
dressing up - went to get a couple of dresses to complete my resolution of 'wear more dresses this year!'
personal alone time - I got a few moments of quiet time...
working towards a goal - this is a goal :) (writing, reading, personal growth)
farmer's markets - we went this weekend!
snuggling up with Jenna - we did a bit of this
reading to Jenna - I had a lot of time to read to her this weekend
walking with Jenna - we went for quite a few walks
family walks - :)
dessert time with Nick - we have this nightly :) it makes me happy
day dreaming - of course!
writing- check!
Honestly, once I wrote these things down, they were super easy to incorporate. When faced with the question of 'what do we want to do today?' it was super easy to say "Let's go to the farmer's market!" Or for a walk, or to visit the steam trains (Nick gets a fun little drive in his gold wheeled beast, Jenna gets to enjoy the train, I get to shoot some photos, we all have a great family outing). Essentially, just writing down the things that make me happy allowed me to put them into practice and actually have one of the best weekends I've had in a long, long time.
I created this list to include things that make me personally happy... Not something that other people can do for me, but items or tasks that I am in complete control of doing in order to bring me happiness... then I kept the list in mind over the weekend.
I put the items in bold that I did this weekend...
Flowers -bought flowers at the farmers market this weekend, and cut some from the rose bushes outside
reading finished the happiness book, started and finished Outliers, almost done with The Four Agreements
knitting
photography - uploaded photos from the holidays... picked up my camera and played with a few settings while shooting photos of Jenna
friends -NYE with friends!
family -lots of family outings... to the steam trains, went shopping a bit, lunch out, walks)
a clean house - worked to re-establish routines that I started with 'fly lady' way back when
a clean car
a full gas tank - :) started the weekend with a full tank
passion - plenty with reading and enjoying life
enthusiasm - yup!
optimism - yup!
a manicure or pedicure - I cleaned the red polish off my nails... I have yet to get one...
an open heart :)
Nick's hugs - plenty!
date night - we did this a couple weeks ago
family outings - see above answer
dressing up - went to get a couple of dresses to complete my resolution of 'wear more dresses this year!'
personal alone time - I got a few moments of quiet time...
working towards a goal - this is a goal :) (writing, reading, personal growth)
farmer's markets - we went this weekend!
snuggling up with Jenna - we did a bit of this
reading to Jenna - I had a lot of time to read to her this weekend
walking with Jenna - we went for quite a few walks
family walks - :)
dessert time with Nick - we have this nightly :) it makes me happy
day dreaming - of course!
writing- check!
Honestly, once I wrote these things down, they were super easy to incorporate. When faced with the question of 'what do we want to do today?' it was super easy to say "Let's go to the farmer's market!" Or for a walk, or to visit the steam trains (Nick gets a fun little drive in his gold wheeled beast, Jenna gets to enjoy the train, I get to shoot some photos, we all have a great family outing). Essentially, just writing down the things that make me happy allowed me to put them into practice and actually have one of the best weekends I've had in a long, long time.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Don't take it personally
I'm currently reading 'The Four Agreements' and one of the agreements is "Don't take anything personally"
Easier said than done.. I take *everything* personally! The objective is to understand that everyone lives in their own lives. They all are sitting there with a 360 degree mirror and do what they do for themselves. Often, when someone does something for someone else, it's to get rewarded by praise, or for some other reward. The point is, you can't change others thoughts, words, reactions. You can only control your own. So, when someone says something negative, don't take it personally. You can't know their motives, so don't try!
Easier said than done.. I take *everything* personally! The objective is to understand that everyone lives in their own lives. They all are sitting there with a 360 degree mirror and do what they do for themselves. Often, when someone does something for someone else, it's to get rewarded by praise, or for some other reward. The point is, you can't change others thoughts, words, reactions. You can only control your own. So, when someone says something negative, don't take it personally. You can't know their motives, so don't try!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Try just a bit longer
In reading "Outliers" the ideas of mastery taking 10,000 hours of
practice (or 10 years) comes up. A similar line of thinking came up in
the book "Think & Grow Rich". Experience yields success. But without
persistence you can easily stop 3 feet from gold. Essentially, when
you're ready to give up, give it 5 more minutes... You may be rewarded
handsomely. These are all little reminders from each of the books for me. It's a reminder that sometimes you just need a few more minutes to figure out the problem. I know I've relied on others to solve problems for me, but I don't remember those lessons nearly as well as the ones that I had to work at or experience.
practice (or 10 years) comes up. A similar line of thinking came up in
the book "Think & Grow Rich". Experience yields success. But without
persistence you can easily stop 3 feet from gold. Essentially, when
you're ready to give up, give it 5 more minutes... You may be rewarded
handsomely. These are all little reminders from each of the books for me. It's a reminder that sometimes you just need a few more minutes to figure out the problem. I know I've relied on others to solve problems for me, but I don't remember those lessons nearly as well as the ones that I had to work at or experience.
This is an objective that I hope to instill in Jenna as well. Just a
bit more practice can come from perseverance which can mean the
difference between being good or great.
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